By Columnist Kim Mi-hee<\/p>\n
![\"Wia's](\"https:\/\/www.thekorean.today\/imgdata\/smilestory_kr\/202609\/2026092531209075.png\")
<\/div>\nWhat Hides Behind \u201cIt\u2019s Just Old Age\u201d<\/h3>\n
When an older person\u2019s spirits sink, it often shows first as quiet change rather than obvious sadness. Instead of crying or saying they are struggling, they tend to say they have no energy, no appetite, or that everything just feels like a bother. Many of them belong to a generation that spent a lifetime trying not to look weak in front of their children, so even saying \u201cmy heart hurts\u201d feels unfamiliar and hard. As a result, the signals are easily buried under the words \u201cit\u2019s just age.\u201d<\/p>\n
The same is true for family caregivers. Between hospital appointments, medications, meals and housework, you may sense that your parent has grown a little quiet lately and still let it pass with \u201cwell, they\u2019re getting on in years.\u201d When I was caring for my own parents, I reacted quickly to physical symptoms, yet I noticed changes in their mood only much later. The longer caregiving goes on, the more the tasks in front of you crowd out the time to look at a person\u2019s face, and that is no one\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n
So the first thing I\u2019d suggest is to set aside the words \u201cit\u2019s just age\u201d for a moment and take a second look. Simply recalling how your parent today differs from your parent a few months ago is a good enough start. Watching the pattern \u2014 not a single change, but whether similar behavior carries on for weeks \u2014 is the closest form of care only family can give.<\/p>\n
When the Body Speaks First: Sleep and the Dinner Table<\/h3>\n
A heavy heart often shows up first in the body\u2019s rhythms. One of the signals most often discussed among caregivers is a change in sleep and eating. Your parent may have trouble falling asleep at night or wake early before dawn and toss and turn, or, on the other hand, may want to stay under the covers even during the day. Meals can change too: they may barely touch side dishes they used to love, or skip a meal and say they aren\u2019t hungry.<\/p>\n
Picture this. You set out dinner, and after a few spoonfuls they put down their spoon, saying food tastes like sand. When you call the next morning, they mention they slept badly all night, then laugh it off as nothing. For a day or two, it may just be an off day, but as such days pile up, there may be another story inside them.<\/p>\n
Of course, changes in sleep and appetite can also be linked to medications or other health problems, so family members cannot say for certain what the cause is. Still, jotting brief notes on a calendar or in a small notebook \u2014 \u201csaid she woke up several times,\u201d \u201cleft half a bowl of rice at lunch\u201d \u2014 makes the pattern visible. These notes can be a great help later in describing your parent\u2019s condition to a doctor or counselor. And when you put your worries on paper instead of keeping them only in your head, the caregiver\u2019s heart grows a little lighter too.<\/p>\n
A World Growing Smaller: Withdrawal and Indifference<\/h3>\n
Another signal is a parent\u2019s world gradually shrinking. They may stare blankly at a drama they used to enjoy, or start skipping the senior center or community welfare center gatherings they attended every week, with one excuse or another. Their answers on the phone grow short, and even news about the grandchildren doesn\u2019t light them up the way it once did. This gradual loss of interests and connections happens so slowly that the closer the family, the easier it is to miss.<\/p>\n
You may also notice a change in how they talk. If you often hear things like \u201cWhat could I possibly do?\u201d, \u201cEverything\u2019s a bother\u201d or \u201cI feel like I\u2019m just a burden to you,\u201d it\u2019s best not to let them slip by. They may sound like offhand remarks, but they can carry a sense of seeing oneself as small. At times, a low mood also comes out as irritability or touchiness, and you may only realize what was going on after you\u2019ve traded hurtful words.<\/p>\n
At moments like these, urging them with \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go out?\u201d or \u201cYou need to move around more\u201d tends to make them pull back further. Instead, I suggest quietly placing small pieces of what they used to love back beside them. Play a song they used to sing, or bring out an old photo album and ask, \u201cWhere were you here?\u201d Rather than an ambitious activity, a small, easy place to linger can open a closing heart just a little.<\/p>\n
Once You Notice, How Do You Start the Conversation?<\/h3>\n
After recognizing the signals, the hardest part is how to raise the subject. \u201cMom, do you have depression?\u201d may come from concern, but to the listener it can feel like a label. For older generations, mental illness is still a difficult subject, and they may blame themselves simply for causing their children worry. That is why it helps to approach with the language of observation and care rather than the language of diagnosis.<\/p>\n
For example, you might start like this: \u201cYou don\u2019t seem to be sleeping well at night lately, and it\u2019s been on my mind,\u201d or \u201cYou don\u2019t seem to be eating much \u2014 is anything bothering you?\u201d Calmly share what you have seen. Then, rather than rushing for an answer, give them time and wait quietly until they are ready to speak. It\u2019s all right if they don\u2019t open up right away. Just the feeling that \u201cyou\u2019re paying attention to me\u201d can make the heart a little less lonely.<\/p>\n
If the changes continue for more than a few weeks or daily life looks noticeably harder, I encourage you to seek professional help rather than guessing among family. You could first mention it to the doctor your parent regularly sees, or ask for counseling at a nearby public health center or community mental health welfare center. When you do, suggest it in words that are easy for your parent to accept \u2014 \u201cYou haven\u2019t been sleeping well, so let\u2019s ask the doctor about it\u201d rather than \u201cLet\u2019s go get you tested.\u201d Bringing along the notebook you\u2019ve kept can make the conversation much easier.<\/p>\n
Please Look After the Caregiver\u2019s Heart, Too<\/h3>\n
While caring for a parent\u2019s heart, it\u2019s easy to push your own to the back. Your mood for the day may rise and fall with a single expression on their face, and you may lose sleep wondering whether things would be different if you had done better. The closer and longer someone provides care, the more often they bear that weight quietly and alone. But if the caregiver\u2019s heart wears out first, it becomes hard to stay by a parent\u2019s side for the long haul.<\/p>\n
Working with fragrance, I often feel how precious it is to take even a few minutes a day to catch my breath for myself. There are moments when simply dabbing a favorite scent on my wrist, opening the window and breathing deeply is enough to soothe my heart. It isn\u2019t magic that solves anything; it\u2019s closer to a small greeting to myself for having tried hard again today. Please share with yourself a piece of the warmth you give your parents.<\/p>\n
And I hope you won\u2019t carry it all alone. Talking about caregiving with your siblings, confiding in a trusted friend and, if needed, seeking counseling for family caregivers are all brave choices. The eye that notices a parent\u2019s heart is, in the end, connected to the eye that notices your own. Becoming a family that reads one another\u2019s signals \u2014 I believe that is the path of care we can walk together.<\/p>\n
Today's Heart-Care Practice<\/p>\n
\u2605\u2606\u2606<\/span>\u201cA Time for Two Teacups\u201d \u2014 \u2460 Prepare two cups of warm tea. \u2461 Sit side by side with your parent by the window or at the table. \u2462 Take the first sip and ask something light, like \u201cHow\u2019s the sunlight today?\u201d \u2463 Even if the answers are short, stay beside them for just 10 minutes. Rather than asking questions and trying to fix things, simply being together can help ease the heart.<\/p>\n \u2605\u2605\u2606<\/span>\u201cHolding Hands With Hand Cream\u201d \u2014 \u2460 Squeeze a pea-sized amount of gently scented hand cream into your palm and rub your hands together to warm it. \u2461 Wrap your parent\u2019s hand in both of yours and slowly stroke the back of the hand. \u2462 Gently glide along each finger from base to tip. \u2463 Finally, hold both hands snugly for a moment and take three deep breaths together. It soothes the skin, and the warmth of joined hands can convey your feelings before words do. Choose a scent your parent likes, and use only a very small amount at first.<\/p>\n \u2605\u2605\u2605<\/span>\u201cWalk Together, Write Together\u201d \u2014 \u2460 On a sunny day, take a slow 10-to-15-minute walk together in front of the house or around the neighborhood. \u2461 As you walk, talk about the flowers or signs you notice, or stories about the old neighborhood. \u2462 Back home, write one line each in a notebook about your parent\u2019s sleep, meals and mood that day. \u2463 If similar changes continue for several weeks, ask the family doctor or a nearby public health center or community mental health welfare center about counseling. A little fresh air and conversation can help lift the mood, and consistent notes serve as a reliable guide when talking with professionals.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n For more heart-care stories, visit the Korea Self-Healing Association<\/a>.<\/p>\n #WiaSsamMindCareSignals #LateLifeDepression #CaringForParents #FamilyCaregiving #EmotionalCare #CaregivingFamilies #SeniorLife #SelfCare<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [ Reporter Kim Mi-hee: incheonsouth@thekoreantoday.com<\/a> ] <\/p>\n Become a Local Ambassador<\/a> Apply as Branch Director<\/a> The Korean Today \u2014 Nam-Incheon<\/a><\/p>\n
This column is not intended for diagnosis; it is written as a reference to help families look after a loved one\u2019s emotional well-being. If your parent says things like \u201cI want to die\u201d or \u201cI want to disappear,\u201d or if you are worried they might harm themselves, do not hesitate \u2014 seek help immediately from a medical institution or professional counseling service.<\/div>\n
Kim Mi-hee \u2014 aromatherapist, social worker, certified care worker, and hospital companion manager \u2014 draws on her own experience caring for aging parents to write practical, useful guidance for caregivers in the same situation. The Korean Today, Nam-Incheon.<\/div>\n\n\n
\n \n ![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.thekorean.today\/imgdata\/smilestory_kr\/202605\/2026050301108604.png\")
<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n