“Ah… I know I shouldn’t, but I keep comparing my child with the neighbor’s child. They say the neighbor’s child is good at math, but my child hates math. So, I’m curious about what kind of academy the neighbor’s child attends.”
“I also feel stressed because there are other kids of the same age around.”
“Me too. When they play together, I end up comparing them, so I don’t want them to play together. I’m trying to find other friends for my child.”
“When we’re at home, I don’t notice it, but during public classes, I see other kids participating well, and it seems like only my child is struggling, which makes me upset.”
“Exactly. I know I should let go and empty my mind, but it’s not easy.”
“I used to blame my child and even scold them, but after thinking about it, I felt sorry. After all, our child got their genes from us, and we created their environment. It’s not the child’s fault. They didn’t choose to be born this way; it’s our doing. But because I’m struggling, I keep blaming the child.”
Indeed, why do the neighbor’s kids seem to do so well in everything? This leads to comparing my child and causing both of us pain. Every child has something they are good at. There was a child who started school without knowing how to read. Even though the child didn’t know how to read, they didn’t care about what others thought. They just admitted what they didn’t know and learned little by little from friends. But this child had something they were particularly good at—they spoke very well. They could explain things clearly and logically, and got along well with others. They had many creative ideas. Eventually, the other kids in the class followed this child’s lead. Knowing how to read or not wasn’t the most important thing.
Dan Greenberg said this about comparisons: “The more people are compared, the unhappier they become. If you really want your child to be unhappy, compare them to other kids or siblings who have many strengths.”
Parents don’t need to feel anxious by comparing their child with the neighbor’s child. There are so many days ahead for our children. We need to look at the long term. What we see now isn’t everything there is to their future.
Hans Christian Andersen’s story The Blue Bird tells this story:
“On Christmas Eve, Tyltyl and Mytyl envy the rich children’s party. At that moment, a fairy appears and asks them to find the Blue Bird of happiness for her sick daughter. Tyltyl turns the diamond on the hat given by the fairy, which allows them to see the truth. Fairies of animals, water, fire, milk, sugar, and bread appear. Tyltyl and Mytyl, along with the fairies, embark on a journey to find the Blue Bird. They part ways with the fairy and go to the Land of Memory, where they meet their grandparents. Tyltyl discovers the Blue Bird in his grandfather’s house. After telling the fairy about it, he obtains the Blue Bird. With the time running out, they leave the Land of Memory and return home after many adventures. The next morning, they realize that they had been on a journey to find the Blue Bird the night before. They learn that the Blue Bird wasn’t far away but close by all along.”
The child who went searching for the Blue Bird eventually found it at home. Happiness isn’t far away; it’s right here. The ability to find, enjoy, and develop positive aspects of oneself, others, and situations is a key trait of a healthy personality. Often, the difference in thinking brings about the difference in happiness. Even with the same glass of water, one can be satisfied by saying, “There’s half a glass of water,” or be dissatisfied by saying, “There’s only half a glass of water.” The life of happiness that everyone desires depends more on perspective and attitude than on what one has or has achieved.
Many people, even when they have something good, don’t fully appreciate it. They quickly become engulfed in other worries and concerns. There was a child who didn’t score a perfect 100 because they missed just one point in math due to a small mistake. Even though it was a good score, the child cried because they didn’t get a perfect 100. Of course, it was regrettable. Some children, even after getting good scores, worry, “What if I don’t do well next time? I should at least maintain this level.” Even when they have good things, the grass always seems greener on the other side. The neighbor’s family seems better than mine. The neighbor’s child seems better than mine. Many people feel uneasy about staying in a state of contentment and happiness. They think they need to find something wrong and keep improving to succeed. Family life is no exception.
What is most necessary to fully enjoy joy and happiness?
It is to value your current self. It’s about having a positive attitude toward yourself and the world. Being around a happy person makes you happy, and being around an unhappy person makes you unhappy. A happy child comes from happy parents, and an unhappy child comes from unhappy parents. Happy parents don’t compare their home with the neighbor’s home. They don’t compare their spouse with the neighbor’s spouse. They don’t compare their child with the neighbor’s child. They are content with the present and have no need to compare. The secret to becoming happy parents is to start everything with faith. When you lack faith in your home, your spouse, or your child, you end up comparing them with others. But when you have faith, you realize that happiness is right beside you. Isn’t it so easy to be happy?
