If I were to raise a child again, by Diana Loomans.
If I had to raise a child again,
First, I would build the child’s self-esteem,
And the house would come later.
I would draw more with fingers with the child,
And command less with fingers.
I would try less to correct the child
And more to connect with the child.
I would take my eyes off the clock,
And watch with my eyes more.
If I were to raise a child again,
I would not focus more on knowing more
But on learning to be more caring.
I would ride more bicycles and fly more kites.
I would run more fields and gaze at the stars longer.
I would embrace more and argue less.
I would see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be less firm and more positive.
I would not appear as a person who loves power,
But as a person who has the power of love.
Every parent who wishes to be a good parent has seen this poem at least once. I too read this poem and vowed to raise my child this way. How many parents have read this poem and firmed up their hearts? “I will raise my child as a happy child.” But what is the reality? Every day is a battle with the child. Both mother and child are stained with wounds. Moreover, the more time together, the more both the child and parent become exhausted.
There is a Jewish proverb that says,
“Unhappiness is a contagion. Unhappy people and the sick need to be kept apart to prevent further spread of the disease.”
Unhappiness is called a contagion. We know how scary a contagion can be through experience. It can spread in places where we coexist, even in places where the person has passed by. That is why those with contagion are isolated until they are healed. We are advised not to talk with, nor stay together with those who are sick. Isn’t it because we might catch the same disease? The same goes for unhappiness. When talking with an unhappy person, it seems we become unhappy too. We no longer wish to face or talk with them. We do not want to be together.
But what about children who cannot separate from unhappy parents and have no choice but to live with them? The parents’ unhappiness is learned over the long span of 20 years. Most children end up living a life as unhappy as their parents. They blame their parents, their circumstances, and push their lives into unhappiness because they see no hope. It is because their parents did not show them that it could get better.
“Oh. It’s like the kingdom of animals today. I don’t like watching animals eat and be eaten. What’s so fun about that? Maybe if it were Animal Farm, but not this.”
It was a pleasant weekend. I came out to the living room and saw a polar bear. I thought it was another documentary about the animal kingdom or polar bears, as usual. My husband enjoys watching the animal kingdom. However, I often turn away from the scenes where animals eat each other. When I saw the title was “The Story of Polar Bears” on OBS TV, I turned my face away, thinking it was the same content. But then, I saw a scene of a mother bear caring for her cub. It was about the mother bear taking her cubs north on a journey.
During the journey, they encountered a male bear. The mother bear went up the snow mountain first to pave a path for her cubs to follow. Then, from the top, she dropped snow on the male bear to avert the crisis. It was moving to see how wisely she protected her cubs. After overcoming the crisis, they came down the snow-covered mountain. They slid down, excitingly, and the cubs followed and slid down after their mother. They imitated everything their mother did. Following the mother bear’s lead, they tumbled in the snow after swimming and walked on the ice just as she did. It was like looking in a mirror.
The mother bear hunted and fed her cubs. While the cubs were eating, she boldly protected them from surrounding threats. Bears can swim 100 kilometers. As the mother led the way swimming, the two cubs followed her in a line to face less resistance in the water. Along the way, she found good places to rest so the cubs wouldn’t get tired. During these breaks, the cubs snuggled into the mother bear’s embrace. Even though it must have been hard for her, the expression on the mother bear’s face was very peaceful.
During the journey, when the icebergs collapsed and the cubs fell into the sea, the mother bear searched everywhere for her cubs. Fortunately, she found them. The mother bear rubbed her face against the cubs, sighing in relief. The loving gaze towards her cubs was palpable. In that moment, tears flowed from my eyes. Whether animal or human, only a mother can feel that way. What kind of parents will these cubs that learned from the mother bear grow up to be? Perhaps they will become mothers full of maternal love and wisdom, just like their mother.
Animals learn everything from their parents. What about humans? All the more so. Animals are weaned by their mothers once they grow a bit. But humans are usually nurtured by their parents for 20 years. What a long period it is! During that time, they live under their parents’ influence. They learn everything – their parents’ words, actions, habits, ways of thinking. How parents view the world shapes their children’s thinking, lifestyle, and life.
Even though we are poor now, we must provide hope by living with dreams and actions for the future. However, due to the realities faced by the parents, they are unable to show a hopeful future to their children. There are many success stories of people who came from humble beginnings and made it on their own. Let’s look at those who grew up well through self-made success. Let’s see how they lived their dreams and achieved success. There is studying in their success stories.
Do you want your child to be happy? Now, for a happy life for the mother and a happy life for the child, there is something parents need to do. Do not look at the painful reality now. For the child, for the parents, they must study parenting. It is scary and difficult because of ignorance. Once you know, it becomes easier to do.
You can study. Once you decide, ways to study become visible. Parental study is the best gift for my child. Let’s prepare the best gift for my child right now.
